Rainbows On Her Skin
by madeleine68
Summary: Alex has a secret. Maybe it has something to do with her new boyfriend . . . Can Olivia help her before it's too late? Slight AU. THE LAST CHAPTER IS UP! Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**This is slightly AU. Michael is Alex's boyfriend and they're living together.**

**Please review for the next chapter!**

Alex surveys herself critically in the mirror, eying the liberal amount of foundation that covers her face. So much is caked on that she could easily be mistaken for a china doll, but it does the job it's meant for. She just hopes Olivia doesn't notice.

Smirking, she discards the thought. Of course Olivia will notice. She's a detective and she notices everything. Maybe Alex even wants her to.

"Bye, Lex," calls her boyfriend, Michael, from the bedroom as Alex opens the front door of her apartment. "I love you, babe. Be back by five."

"I will," she calls. She's learned never to say, "I'll try," like she used to. She will be home by five, otherwise her reward will be a shopping trip to buy some more concealer to cover the rainbows on her frail body. Deep blues and purples, dark reds and yellows and blacks that need to be concealed by layers of foundation on her pale skin. When she isn't wearing makeup, she looks like some perverse art project. Except that the colours come from cuts and bruises rather than markers and paint.

Alex rushes into the precinct twenty minutes late, apologizing as she enters the squad room. "Sorry, there was an accident near my house." There wasn't, but she's hoping that they don't know that.

"Did you get the warrant?" is Elliot's greeting.

Shit, she didn't. "No. I forgot. I'm sorry, Elliot. I'll go get it now."

"You forgot," repeats Elliot, raising an incredulous eyebrow. Obviously, he's not buying it.

He has a right to be sceptical. Alex isn't being entirely honest here. She got back to her office at 5:30 yesterday, intending on going out to get the warrant, but Michael had been waiting for her in her office. "You promised you'd be home half an hour ago," he'd growled.

Not wanting to make a scene in front of her colleagues, Alex had apologized and got into the car with him to go back to their apartment. Surviving the night was more important than getting the warrant.

Olivia peers at Alex. "Are you okay, Alex?"

She snaps out of her melancholy. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll go get the warrant now."

* * *

An hour later, she's back at the precinct. She hands Elliot the warrant. "Sorry it's late," she apologizes again.

Elliot nods. "Come on, Liv," he says. "Let's go search this guy's place."

But Olivia's eyes linger on Alex's face, and she knows she hasn't fooled the detective for a moment. "Lunch, Alex?"

"Sure," she agrees. She doesn't want to, but she knows that declining would make Olivia suspicious, and she certainly doesn't want that.

* * *

They're sitting in a café near the precinct, Alex desperately trying to evade the subject of the bruises on her face. She chats with Olivia about the weather, about the case, about a television show she'd watched last night, trying to keep her away from the one question she's sure Olivia wants to ask.

Finally, Olivia leans back in her chair and cuts to the chase. "Alex, I'm worried about you."

Alex suppresses a smirk. "Why?"

Instead of answering, Olivia says, "It's Michael, isn't it?"

"W-what about him?"

"Ever since you've met him, you've changed," comments Olivia.

Alex doesn't bother to deny it because she knows it's true. She used to be so confident, so ambitious, so determined and strong. She used to give every case her all, spending hours preparing for each opening argument, at the office at all hours. That was one thing she and Olivia had in common. She used to stand up straight and look everyone in the eye, holding herself with pride. But now, she's only an echo of what once was, a broken ghost of the old Alex Cabot.

"Alex," says Olivia gently, leaning closer to her. "What's the matter?"

She debates telling Olivia the truth. Olivia's the only one that she trusts enough to even consider this; they're best friends and she knows Olivia will never judge her.

But then she discards the idea. No one must know what happens at home. "Nothing, Liv," she says, managing a small smile that she hopes is convincing enough to appease the detective. "I'm fine."

* * *

But she's not fine. When she gets back to her apartment at exactly 4:57 and starts dinner, the expression on Michael's face as he lounges on the living room couch is almost disappointed. Disappointed that she wasn't going to give him an excuse to hit her.

"How was work, babe?" asks Michael.

"Good," replies Alex. "Um, what do you want for dinner?"

"I was thinking we could go out and have a romantic evening."

She comes out into the family room and perches next to her boyfriend on the couch. "That would be nice."

He smiles and pulls her onto his lap. Alex cringes at the unexpected touch and her body tenses as Michael begins to rub circles into her back, flinching each time he touches a particularly sensitive spot.

"You're so beautiful, Lex," he murmurs into her ear, running his fingers through her long blonde hair. "I love you so much, babe."

"I love you, too," replies Alex, but it's more out of reflex than anything. She doesn't exactly know whether or not she loves him. He's usually a good guy, but he does have those moments where he just loses it and lashes out. These moments are becoming more and more frequent.

His hands still on her back and he pulls up her shirt and unclasps her bra. Alex holds her breath as he runs his fingers up her sides and cups her breasts with his hands. "I want you," he moans. "God, you're so fucking beautiful."

Alex isn't comfortable with the way he's touching her and tries to push him away. "You know what, Michael, let's not do this right now."

The blow is so unexpected that she doesn't have time to duck. Her hand flies to her cheek, which is reddening where Michael just smacked it. "You don't say no to me," he hisses in her ear, running his hands along her sides and flat stomach, making her shiver in revulsion and fear.

Finally, he's done touching her. "Lex, go change for dinner," he orders her. "Wear something pretty, maybe your blue dress."

Alex has to wonder about herself when she nods and immediately obeys.

This isn't her.

**Please review for more!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**This chapter takes place during the episode **_**Guilt. **_**Again, AU. Warning for M rated content.**

**Please review for chapter three!**

Alex's cell phone rings in the middle of the night. Trying not to wake Michael, she crawls out of bed and tiptoes to the door to retrieve it.

"Lex?" murmurs Michael sleepily. "Is it morning?"

"No. You can go back to sleep," she replies softly. She flips open her cell phone and walks out into the hallway. "Cabot."

"Alex, it's Liv."

Alex's eyes widen. Olivia doesn't call her in the middle of the night unless it's an emergency. Has something happened? Is she hurt? Her heart speeds up. "What happened?"

"It's Sam Cavanaugh," said Olivia, a little hesitance creeping into her voice. Slight as it is, Alex catches it and flinches.

"What about him?"

"He tried to commit suicide last night."

Alex sucks in her breath. Suddenly, she can hardly breathe. She was one of the last – maybe _the _last – person to see him alive. She'd offered him a ride home but he had refused. She should have insisted, should have taken better care of him, should have stuck around longer, should have made sure he was all right. "Oh, my God," she breathes.

Her world is spinning. She's talked to victims before, victims who later turned up dead, but she's invested so much in this. It marked the day she truly gave herself up to the job and let her passion supersede her distance. Sam's attempted suicide comes as a personal affront.

"Come on down to Mercy General, okay? Elliot and the captain are here with me," says Olivia.

"Yeah," agrees Alex, too dazed to even string together a full sentence. "I'm on my way."

She hangs up the phone and rushes back to her bedroom. Too concentrated on the task at hand to even worry about Michael and how he doesn't like his sleep to be disturbed, she rummages through her closet, looking for something clean to wear. It doesn't matter if it's not a neatly-pressed business suit; even a pair of ratty old sweatpants will do. Today isn't a day to focus on her image. Today is a day to focus on saving a young boy's life.

"Lex," growls Michael, sitting up in bed.

Alex cringes at the nickname and immediately realizes her mistake. She's made too much noise, been too conspicuous, and she's going to be in for it now. But right now, she doesn't have time for this. She's focussed on one thing and one thing only – getting to Mercy General as fast as she can.

"Where are you going?" he demands, switching on the bedside lamp.

She almost says, "Out," but she knows better. The old Alex would have given a vague, brief answer in a tone sharp enough to turn off any man from bothering her any further. But this new Alex is more timid, less brave. Weaker, even. So she swallows the words and instead tells him the truth. "The case I've been working on – the victim just tried to commit suicide. I'm going down to Mercy General to check on him."

Michael leans against the headboard and says calmly, as if this is a statement of fact, "No, you're not."

Alex raises an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, Michael, but this is important. Olivia and Elliot need me there. I'll be back later."

In a soft, dangerous tone, Michael repeats, "No, you're not. You're going to come back to bed with me."

"Michael," she protests, a newfound bravado igniting inside her. She's never argued back before. He's done a good job at breaking her down, but this is too important. "I need to go. I'm sorry."

"Oh," he says bitterly. "So the job is more important than me?"

"No," she replies quickly. "Of course not. It's just –"

Michael reaches out to grasp her tightly by the arm and pulls her toward him. "You love me?"

"Yes, yes," she assures him. She'll say whatever he wants her to say right now as long as he'll let her go down to the hospital. She needs to see Sam Cavanaugh – and maybe she needs to see Olivia too.

"Show me," he challenges her.

Alex just stares at him. She doesn't have time for this right now and snaps, "How do you propose I do that?"

He smacks her hard across the face. "Don't you ever talk to me again like that, you little slut. Now come and show me how much you love me. Come and make love to me."

She doesn't want to. Right now, she's repulsed by him, and she really needs to get going. So for the first time ever since she met him, she works up her courage and says, "No."

He's about to slap her again but his hand stills in the air. "_What _did you just say to me?"

Her audacity increasing, she repeats, "I said no and no means no." She's not going to take this anymore. She doesn't have to.

But her nerve evaporates the moment he yanks her roughly onto the bed. "You're going to pay for that, you little whore," he hisses into her ear. "You'll spread your legs for almost anyone, but not for me. I'm not good enough for you?" He starts to undress her.

Alex is trembling violently as he rips off her clothes. She retreats into herself, hiding somewhere inside her own skin where no one can hurt her. She makes her body go limp and stops trying to fight it. The struggle is futile and it only further excites him. She lets him take what he wants and bites down on her lower lip, trying to suppress her screams as he touches her and forces her into things she wishes he wouldn't make her do. It hurts so much, but she's used to it by now.

This is why she's so good at her job now. She understands how every single victim feels, the pain, the shame, the downright humiliation that they can never rid themselves of, the dirtiness that remains no matter how many showers they take. The grime can't be washed away because it's on the inside. It's within them, a scar that will never heal because others keep ripping off the scab each time it gets close.

_Well, I guess I'm not getting anywhere near the hospital tonight._

**I know this was kind of a . . . graphic . . . chapter, but please, no flames. However, reviews and **_**constructive**_** criticism are more than welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**Review for more!**

Michael's even breathing on the pillow beside her makes Alex tremble. She's shaking in humiliation and fear. It occurs to her that she could get up and leave, but suddenly, she's too ashamed to even consider facing Olivia right now. Plus, Michael would kill her if he woke up to find her gone.

She shakes her head as if to clear it. She used to be so fearless, so strong. The "Ice Queen," they called her. But she's no longer the clever, witty, self-confident, ambitious, unflappable Alex she used to be. What would Olivia think if she could see Alex now, a broken, terrified woman with a hodgepodge of colourful bruises all over her body, sobbing into her pillow? Silently, though, so Michael won't hear.

She cries herself to sleep. As much as she hates it, this is her life, and there's nothing she can do to change it.

* * *

The next morning, Alex wakes up in immense pain. Her cheek is swollen from where Michael slapped her, but the worst is the tenderness between her legs, the throbbing that works its way down her thighs.

She doesn't dare to get out of bed without Michael's permission, so she lays her head back down on the pillow, struggling not to cry. It's just another indication of how far gone she is. The old Alex never cried, but now, she can't seem to stop.

After what seems like an eternity, Michael opens his eyes. He rolls onto his side and yawns, propping himself up on one elbow. "Hey, babe."

"Good morning," replies Alex, but much as she tries, she can't hide the tremor in her voice.

"Let's have a lazy day today," he suggests.

"That would be nice, but I – I have to go to work," stammers Alex, then flinches, bracing herself in anticipation for the blow.

But it doesn't come. Michael reaches out to run a hand through her silky hair and gives her a winsome smile, the one that used to make her melt every time. But now, she sees right through it.

"That's okay, baby," he says. "I'll call them and tell them you're not feeling well. We can play hooky together. How does that sound?"

Does he honestly think he can buy her love back like this? She's not a teenager anymore and playing hooky isn't the most appealing prospect in the world. But she doesn't know how to refuse again without further incensing him, so she doesn't. She just nods. "That would be good," she hears herself reply, but the voice sounds far away, almost as if it isn't hers after all.

"Great. I'll call and you go start breakfast, okay? How about some pancakes?"

Alex nods and gets out of bed, almost robotically. She winces at the pain as she stands and Michael catches the look on her face. "What's the matter, babe?"

She doesn't tell him that it's his fault, that the soreness between her legs comes fro the sex he forced on her last night. She knows it will only lead to another beating. Instead she says, "Nothing, baby," and plants a tender kiss on his lips. Pulling on her bathrobe, she goes into the kitchen to start the pancakes.

* * *

Olivia, still at Mercy General with Elliot, flips her phone shut in shock and stares at Elliot. "What?" he says, looking at her with an expression of concern.

"It's Alex," she explains. "She's taking a _sick day_."

Elliot's eyes practically bulge out of his head. "_Alex_?"

Olivia nods. "I called her when we found out and she said she'd be here right away – that was almost eight hours ago. And get this – the creep was the one that called."

"I hate the bastard," comments Elliot. "Alex doesn't _take_ sick days. Ever. Do you think – something happened to her?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I just don't know. However, I do know that Alex would be here if she could be here, no matter how sick she is."

"Then let's wait for her."

Olivia shakes her head. "She won't come. Inconvenient as it is, we can go one day without our ADA and still accomplish most of what we need to do today."

He hesitates, clearly not wanting to let this go, but accepting that Olivia knows Alex best. "Okay."

"Maybe I'll go check on her later."

Elliot nods. "That sounds good." Then he turns the conversation back to work. "So we need to find other victims of Barnett's. If Sam Cavanaugh dies, he walks."

* * *

As she gets dressed that morning, Alex catches a glimpse of her frail, battered body in the mirror; a rainbow of injuries covering her skin. It disgusts her to see herself like this and it makes her sad how uncomfortable she is in her own body. She doesn't even dare to look in the mirror anymore because she's afraid of what she'll see.

Pulling on a long sweater to cover the deep bruises on her arms, she deliberately arranges her hair so it's covering the scratch marks on her neck and her newly swelling black eye. She's grown her hair out just for this purpose, even though she likes it better shoulder-length.

Michael comes into the bathroom without knocking and Alex quickly turns away from the mirror, as if she's been caught doing something she isn't allowed to do.

"Hey, babe," he greets her. "Did I tell you today how beautiful you are?"

The words send a shiver through her body. These are the words he uses to preface a sexual command. Even the words, "Come lie with me," terrify Alex now. This is what she's become and even after Michael – if she survives that long – she knows she will never be able to have a healthy relationship with another man, because everything that man says will remind her of the one who hurt her so much. Which is probably the point.

She turns to him and manages an uneasy smile. "Yeah," she says softly.

He grins and wraps an arm around her. Alex flinches involuntarily, but melts into him, enjoying the warmth of his embrace even though she still doesn't trust him. It feels good to have comforting physical contact, even if it's from Michael. In his moments of lucidity, he can be downright charming, and that's the Michael she wishes would show himself more often.

"I love you, baby," Michael murmurs in her ear, stroking her hair. Alex shudders at the touch, but doesn't pull away. "You're so fucking gorgeous."

He says this to her so often that the words have become meaningless. It's just one of those things he says. She isn't beautiful at all; she's ugly and she knows it. The marks that disfigure her body contradict Michael's words.

Squeezing her shoulders, he moves his hands down her back, massaging her body with his rough hands. Each time, her muscles tense, but eventually she relaxes. She's still a bit uneasy, but it does feel good. She hates how he can make her feel these conflicting emotions – revulsion when she thinks about it, but the physical sensation sooner or later is a comfort rather than another cross to bear. How sick is that?

"You know what, Lex?" he whispers, trailing his fingers up her side, making her shiver. She isn't sure if it's in gratification or in apprehension and this makes her want to throw up. Michael has crossed her signals, so much so that she can't distinguish pain from pleasure. Often, they are one in the same, even though they shouldn't be. Alex has never liked rough sex, but even though Michael hurts her and sometimes forces her to do things that humiliate her, she loves him. She doesn't know how she can love a man like this, but she does. "Why don't you get into that sexy black dress of yours, hmm, babe? Maybe we can have some fun, huh?"

Alex nods, glad to escape from the suffocating atmosphere. She doesn't like that dress, but it turns Michael on, so she quickly changes into it. Surveying herself in the bedroom mirror, she wraps her arms uncomfortably around herself. The dress is a halter top and she doesn't like the exposed skin of her back. There are four dark bruises visible just below her neck and she tries unsuccessfully to arrange her hair in a way that hides them. She hates the person she's become – Alex Cabot, uncomfortable in her own skin.

**Review for chapter four!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**Allow me a bit of poetic license here; I'm kind of rearranging some of the events of **_**Guilt **_**for the purposes of the story.**

**Review for chapter five!**

Alex is lying on the bed, her head resting on her boyfriend's shoulder. His arms are wrapped protectively around her, and although the tight embrace would generally make Alex feel safer, it makes her feel slightly uneasy. Yet she curls into him anyway, resting her arm on his stomach and exhaling deeply.

She squeezes her eyes shut and grimaces as her cell phone starts to ring. "Mmm," moans Michael. "Get that, Lex."

He lets go of her and she sits up, flipping open her phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Alex," says Olivia's gentle voice. "How are you feeling?"

Groaning inwardly, Alex replies, "Not too hot." She knows she has to go with the lie. God help her if Olivia finds out the truth.

"Are you going to come in tomorrow?"

Alex hesitates, not wanting to make any promises she isn't 100% sure she can keep. "Maybe."

"Well, Alex, I'm sorry to bug you if you're not feeling well, but we need a warrant to search Sam Cavanaugh's house."

"Why?"

"We found one of his former victims, who told us about sex tapes that Barnett sent to each of his victims. I'm sure he sent them to Sam, too, and we need a warrant to search the place."

Alex sighs. More than anything, she wants to convict Roy Barnett. But how can she do that when Michael won't let her out of the house? "I'll try to get it tomorrow," she hedges.

"Okay," agrees Olivia. "Thanks. Hey, if you're not feeling so well, do you want me to come over for a bit?"

The ADA's pulse quickens. Whoever says lawyers are good liars is very wrong when it comes to Alex Cabot. "Um, no, that's okay. I don't want to get you sick. But thanks anyway, Liv."

She hears Olivia's audible sigh on the other end of the phone and crosses her fingers, praying that the detective won't press the issue. Thankfully, Olivia doesn't, just says, "Okay, Alex. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye, Liv."

Alex hangs up the phone and closes her eyes, taking a moment to compose herself. With a heavy heart, she switches off her cell, not wanting to talk to Olivia right now. No; actually, Olivia is the one and only person she _does _want to talk to right now. She wants to talk to Olivia so badly that she has to distance herself from the detective, afraid that her icy façade will slip and Olivia will get too close. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if Olivia found out the truth. Olivia is always so strong, so independent, always able to take care of herself and everyone else. The two of them are best friends and the side that Alex has shown her is just as cool and collected. Olivia naturally expects the ADA to be just as strong and independent as she is, and Alex used to be able to portray that with little to no difficulty, but now it's a lot harder.

Still, Alex will never show the detective any sign of weakness. It would be awful to be a victim, but the worst thing would be the pity. She couldn't stand it if Olivia felt sorry for her. It would be the most humiliating thing in the world and she wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Who was that?" asks Michael in the soft, dangerous voice that makes Alex jump, immediately on her guard.

"Um, Olivia. She needs me to get a warrant for her." Seeing the displeasure on Michael's face, she adds hastily, "But it can wait until tomorrow."

Her boyfriend nods approvingly and pats the bed next to him. "Want to come back to lie with me?"

Alex nods and climbs back into the bed. Taking a deep breath, she rests her head on Michael's chest, then exhales. "I love you," she murmurs as he runs his fingers through her hair. She loves it when he's tender like this. It almost makes up for the other times. _Almost_.

"I love you, too, babe," he whispers, continuing to his fingers through her silky tresses.

She wriggles closer to him, trying to get more comfortable, and closes her eyes in satisfaction. Right now, she's perfectly happy to be here with her boyfriend, her head on his chest as he gently rubs her back. This affectionate, loving Michael is the one she wishes showed himself more often.

* * *

Hanging up her cell phone, Olivia turns to Elliot and sighs. "She says she'll get the warrant for us tomorrow."

Elliot raises an eyebrow. "Wow. She must be on the brink of death. Why don't we stop by and say hello?"

Olivia shakes her head. "She doesn't want us to."

He rolls his eyes. "Oh, Alex. Always wanting to be so independent." He winks at Olivia. "I don't know _anyone _else quite like that."

She giggles and swats his arm. "Stop it."

* * *

Alex lays in bed for another couple hours with her boyfriend, wishing this feeling of serenity would last forever. Then Michael rolls onto his side and says, "You know what I feel like for dinner?"

"What?" she asks.

"Veal scaloppini. Doesn't that sound good?"

Alex nods and climbs out of the bed. Pulling on a bathrobe, she starts for the kitchen. "I'll start dinner now."

"Thanks, babe," drawls Michael, flopping his head back down on the pillow as Alex pulls out the ingredients for their dinner.

* * *

By 8:00, Olivia and Elliot are ready to leave. "You know what, Liv? Why don't you go check on Alex, just make sure she's okay? I'm worried about her."

"Me, too," Olivia admits. "But she'll be pissed off."

He rolls his eyes. "I think you can handle her wrath."

* * *

The doorbell rings two hours later. Alex is cleaning up from dinner and Michael is on the computer. "Would you get that, Lex?" he calls to her.

She hesitates. She doesn't want anyone, even if it's just a stranger, to see her like this. In her flimsy bathrobe, she feels so exposed, uncomfortable in her own skin. But she glances at the door in apprehension before opening it.

Olivia is standing in the doorway, staring at her. No, not at _her_. At the bruises on her face that she hasn't hidden with foundation today. At the marks that cover each exposed area of skin – a rainbow of marks coating her arms, her legs, her face. Catching Olivia's look, she wraps her bathrobe more tightly around herself. "Hi, Liv," she whispers, not even bothering to tell Olivia that she shouldn't have come. Her goose is cooked and she knows it.

Olivia arches an eyebrow. "You don't _look _sick."

Actually, she probably does look sick, but not by Olivia's standards. Her face is white as a sheet and she's shivering in trepidation, but neither her nor her colleagues ever stay home unless they are so violently ill that they have to be hospitalized.

Alex shifts uncomfortably, trying to evade her friend's concern. "So I played hooky."

The detective snickers. "_You_ played hooky? That's not like you, Alex." Her eyes are expressing a multitude of emotions all at once, but the first one that Alex recognizes is concern. "Especially on a case as important as this."

She shrugs nervously. "I'll see you tomorrow, Liv, okay?" She starts to close the door, but there's a look of determination on Olivia's face, the stubbornness that they share, as she puts her hand against the doorway to stop Alex from closing it on her.

"Alex, what happened to your face?" She gestures to the bruises.

"Nothing," says Alex quickly. "Nothing. Just, please go."

"Lex," calls Michael from his office. "Who is it?"

Alex flinches and it isn't lost on Olivia as she calls, "It's Olivia."

In an instant, Michael appears in the doorway. "Hey, Olivia," says Michael casually, wrapping an arm around Alex. "Long time, no see."

She fixes him with an icy glare and turns back to Alex, realizing that she's not going to get anywhere with Michael here. So she looks right into the ADA's eyes and says very deliberately, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay, Alex?"

Alex nods in relief. "Sure. Bye, Liv."

She and Michael watch Olivia turn and plods down the hallway. Alex bites back a smirk at the fact that Olivia's swagger seems to go with her police officer persona and when no one else's around, she walks and talks and even generally _acts _like a normal person.

The second Olivia fades from their view, Michael's face contorts. He pulls Alex back into the apartment, bolts the door, and lays into her.

She goes limp and doesn't fight back, even though it's going to be tough to hide the bruises from Olivia's watchful eyes. This one, she brought on herself.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**Sorry if some of the dialogue is a bit off from **_**Guilt**_**. I tried. Major spoilers ahead.**

**Please review for chapter six!**

Alex rushes into the precinct five minutes late the next morning. Glancing at Olivia's expression, she sees the detective's displeasure at the ADA's tardiness, but that quickly gives way to relief that Alex is there at all, then merges into something else that the attorney recognizes as concern. She ducks her head so Olivia won't notice the layers of foundation of her face, caked on copiously to cover the evidence of Michael's rage the previous night. She can't tell Olivia now – if she does, Olivia will think it's her own fault. Olivia blames herself for enough as it is without having to deal with Alex's issues too. She doesn't want to burden her friend any further.

Either not noticing the marks on Alex's face or, at any rate, having the good sense not to comment on them, Olivia says, "So, can you get us that warrant?"

"Sure," agrees Alex. "I'll go find Judge Petrovsky now."

* * *

Judge Petrovsky raises her eyebrows in disdain when Alex tells her why she needs the warrant. "I can't believe you're even asking!"

Alex tries once more. She has to get justice for this poor boy, otherwise she'll never forgive herself. "Roy Barnett is a serial rapist. He will not stop until he's convicted."

"Neither of which is a reason to grant a warrant." Seeing the desperation on Alex's face, the judge's face softens. "You look like hell, Alexandra. Get some sleep."

She knows she does look like hell and she probably _should_ go home and get some sleep. Michael won't be there, so she'll have several hours' undisturbed rest. But since she took yesterday off, she needs to get caught up today. She needs to get a warrant to search the Cavanaugh residence. She just _has _to. Usually so adept at bending the law to fit her own purposes, the skilled ADA is at a loss.

So she does the only thing she can do. It all boils down to whether Alex and her job are more important than protecting a young boy and putting a molester behind bars.

When you can't bend the law, sometimes you have to break it.

* * *

Alex is sitting in Judge Lena Petrovsky's office with Barnett's attorney, Roger Kressler. They're both glaring at her as if she's killed their best friend. She wants to look away from their penetrating stares, but she forces herself to glare right back at them. She has to be strong and make her case, because if she can't, it was all for nothing. Then not only will Sam Cavanaugh be damaged beyond repair but his molester will walk free. All because of Alex. So she says in as calm a voice as she can muster, "Mr. Barnett's fourth amendment rights were not violated. Linda Cavanaugh's certainly were, but she isn't the defendant. Mr. Barnett is." She's thought this argument through, unable to sleep last night because she'd continued to replay it over and over in her head. She practiced until she was able to recite it in a rational, persuasive tone. "He has no standing to contest a search of someone else's home."

Roger Kressler snorts, obviously thinking that she's on another planet and she's going to get her butt kicked later. Which she knows she will, but it's worth it. "Are you actually arguing that you can march in like the Gestapo and search any private residence?"

Alex takes a deep breath to compose herself and says quietly, "I am arguing that I can search any private residence that doesn't belong to your client and it will have no bearing on these proceedings."

Although the judge is still clearly displeased – actually, more than displeased, furious – the expression on Judge Petrovsky's face tells her that, much as the others are loath to admit it, Alex has won this one. The judge exhales and leans forward. Continuing to glare at Alex, she says, "While I deplore the assistant district attorney's actions, I am forced to agree. The _illegal_ –" (here she punches the word) – "search of Linda Cavanaugh's residence is a civil tort. The defendant's privacy was not violated, therefore he has no legal standing to contest the search. Motion to suppress the evidence is denied." She says the last part more to Kressler, unable to keep the contempt from her voice before turning to Alex. "Ms. Cabot, I scarcely know where to begin. The liberties you have taken, the disdain you have shown toward the law in this court are highly unethical and a disgrace to your position. Be assured I will recommend your office look into your actions and you have done yourself a real disservice in my courtroom. I won't forget it."

Alex just watches her, waiting in silence for the judge to finish. She knows that legally, she did something wrong, but morally? That's a different story. Yet she doesn't blame Judge Petrovsky; her job is to uphold the law and that's what she's doing. She feels like a naughty child being admonished by a parent, but it's over now. It could have been worse.

The ADA takes a deep breath as she exits the judge's chambers. Judge Petrovsky's eyes are still boring into her back and the moment Alex leaves the room, she feels a wave of relief wash over her. Olivia and Elliot are standing in the hallway, looking anxious. Alex manages a wan half-smile. "The tapes are in."

Olivia exhales a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and murmurs, "Thank goodness."

"You should have told us," Elliot tells her.

She can't read the expression on his face so she says, "I'm sorry," even though she's not. It just seems like the right thing to say and she's learned that apologizing is the right thing to do in such situations.

"No, you're not," says Olivia. Olivia's right, in fact; the detective knows her too well.

"I am sorry you were ever in the middle of this," amends Alex. "But you're right. I'm not sorry about the rest."

* * *

She's standing in her boss' office, standing still as a statue, wiping her face clean of any emotion whatsoever. She has to be strong, unwavering, uncompromising, otherwise she will lose.

"One month's suspension," says Liz sharply. "And that's a gift, so save your arguments."

Alex bows her head. "I have no arguments."

"Fortunately, Linda Cavanaugh has decided not to file civil suit against you, me, the DA's office, the police department, and the city for your illegal search. So can I offer you a big congratulations on successfully setting civil liberties back two hundred years."

"I take full responsibility for my actions," says Alex quietly, not trusting her voice.

"Of course," replies Liz sarcastically. "You did it for the greater good, the safety of society. Bull. You did this for you."

Alex has to admit that Liz is right. She did feel guilty – very guilty – and that's why she can't let go of this one. She'll push on and on until she wins, no matter what the cost. But she also knows she has to protect future victims from Roy Barnett. What she told the judge is true; he won't stop unless she stops him. Justice is a burden as well as a relief. "I did this for hundreds of Barnett's future victims," she says.

"One," barks Liz. "_One _victim. Sam Cavanaugh." She pauses for effect, then says in a low, dangerous voice, "Did it work? Did it assuage your guilt?"

It hasn't and Alex knows it. She doesn't hesitate. "No. I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon."

"I've got news for you," says Liz sharply. "It won't happen. Ever."

Forcing herself not to flinch at her boss' tone, Alex looks into her eyes. "I apologize for putting this bureau in jeopardy."

Still livid but somewhat appeased, Liz fixes Alex with an icy glare. "Go home, Alex. I'll see you in thirty days."

That's when the reality of her punishment really kicks in. The month ahead suddenly seems endless and she doesn't know how she'll survive. Every single day at home with just Michael. First of all, he'll be furious at the amount of trouble she's gotten herself into. Secondly, she won't be able to see Olivia for thirty entire days.

Of course Alex realizes that she could just call the detective if she misses her. But Alex doesn't want to seem too dependent and she's too ashamed to face her friend right now. She could have cost Olivia her job, and Olivia isn't even angry. She understands. And that's what hurts Alex the most.

**Review for the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**Review for more!**

Alex gets home before Michael, for once. What she really needs right now is a nice, hot shower. She walks to the bathroom and runs the water, deliberately glancing away from the mirror as she strips off her clothes.

The warm water assaults her broken body. It hurts at first, making her wince at the tenderness of her skin, but after a few moments it feels good. Alex pretends that all the misery and anguish of the day is being washed away, pretends that the invisible grime swirling down the drain is the dirtiness of her own body. She pretends the warm water is washing her from the inside out, and when she steps out, she'll be perfectly clean again, just like she was before. So long ago that she can hardly remember. Like a dream.

When she gets out of the shower, she makes sure not to even catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She wraps a towel around herself and goes into her bedroom to find something clean to wear.

She starts when she opens the door to find Michael sprawled out on the bed. "What are you doing here so early, baby?" he asks her.

Alex falters, trying to think of a way to explain it that won't make him angry.

He catches her hesitation. Amicable manner evaporating, he says in that soft, dangerous voice, "What happened, Lex?"

Brilliant lawyer that she is, she can't think of anything to say to that. So instead, she comes out with the truth, looking right into his eyes in an attempt to mask her nervousness. Crossing her fingers behind her back, she prays that he won't be too angry.

When she's finished, he just stares at her for a moment. She waits in silent trepidation, standing still as a statue. Trying to stop her body from trembling, she braces herself for the blow.

But it doesn't come. After a few moments, she dares to glance up, and sees a slow smile start to spread across Michael's face. "That's great, babe."

Alex just looks at him, mystified. _Great? _And here she'd been thinking she was going to be in for the beating of her life. "Yeah," she hedges, buying herself some time to figure out his intentions.

"So we can spend more time together. The job takes you away from me, you know. But now we can really be together."

_Oh. _She doesn't like this change in demeanour as much as she thought she would. But still, she manages a smile. "What do you want for dinner?"

He shrugs dismissively, not wanting to drop the original subject. "So no more calls from the office? Or from Olivia? At all?"

Alex's heart throbs at Michael's evident pleasure at this, but still, she nods.

"Great. Then why don't you give me your phone?" suggests Michael succulently, licking his lips. "Just to make sure."

Seeing no alternative, she reluctantly pulls her cell phone from her pocket and hands it over.

He smiles sweetly. "Thanks, babe."

She watches him hurl the phone across the room. Gasping in surprise, she stares at Michael, wondering what on earth he's doing. He stomps on it until it breaks and Alex winces. Why is he wrecking her phone? Has he gone completely crazy?

He looks back at her. Although the grin is still on his face, there's a hardness in his eyes that Alex recognizes all too well. It's the look she sees every time he hits her. "I'll buy you a new one in a month," he says coldly. "Now get changed for dinner. We're going out."

She shivers at the iciness in his voice and immediately obeys.

Olivia gets to work the next morning to find the squad room eerily silent. Captain Cragen's in his office and Elliot's sitting silently at his desk. The others are nowhere to be found.

She takes a seat at her own desk and turns to Elliot. "Where is everybody?"

"Munch and Fin caught a case," he explains.

"What about Alex?"

"Didn't the captain tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Alex is on a month long suspension for her antics in the Cavanaugh case," explains Captain Cragen, stepping out of his office. "And I don't blame Elizabeth Donnelly one bit, so don't say a word."

Olivia stares at him in horror. "A _month_? What are we going to do without her for a month?" Inwardly, she adds, "What is she going to do without _us _for a month?" But she doesn't dare speak the words aloud.

The captain shrugs. "That was a really stupid stunt she pulled, Olivia. She knew she was going to get in trouble for it and she was fine with that."

"She did it for the greater good," protests Olivia.

Captain Cragen rolls his eyes. "Save it, Olivia. You're not her defence attorney and I'm not her boss." He turns on his heel and goes back to his office, leaving Olivia staring after him.

Alex and Michael go to an upscale restaurant on the Upper East Side for dinner. They sit at a table in the back of the place, a romantic candle burning on their table. Michael lets Alex have whatever she wants tonight, not even complaining about the amount of calories in the meal. Generally Michael worries about her weight even more than she does, making sure that she stays slender and beautiful and doesn't gain wait. But there's no longer any fear of that; Alex has been so stressed lately that she's lost at least twenty pounds. Since she's met Michael, she's gotten thinner, more haggard. She's so gaunt that she can feel each individual bone in her body. She personally thinks it's ugly, but Michael likes the emaciated look.

They eat their meal in a silence so tense that you could cut it with a knife. But this is what Michael wants, so Alex sits with him and forces herself to finish her dinner, even though she's too keyed up to eat right now. All she can think about – all that she's thought about since leaving the DA's office – is Olivia. How is she going to go thirty days without seeing her friend?

All Olivia can think about – all that she's thought about since Captain Cragen told her about the ADA's suspension – is Alex. How is she going to go thirty days without seeing her friend?

Then it occurs to her that she can just call Alex if she wants to. The idea is so simple that she almost laughs at herself for not thinking of it sooner. So she takes her cell phone out of her pocket and flips it open. She dials Alex's number, but instead she gets a message that says, "Please hang up and try your call again. Please hang up and try your call again. Please hang up and try your call again."

Olivia stares at her phone in confusion, then obediently hangs up and tries her call again. But she gets the same message.

She checks the number to make sure she's dialled it right, but it's definitely Alex's number. Why isn't she answering her phone? Has something happened to it? Has something happened to _her_? Even though she knows Alex wouldn't like it, Olivia can't help but worry about her friend.

**Please review if you want chapter seven!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**Warning for violent sexual content in this chapter. Definitely rated M. Reader discretion is advised.**

**Review for the next chapter!**

When Alex and Michael get home, she showers again, the warm water cascading over her battered skin. She tries to think of how she's going to pass the next month. She is Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. That's what she is – that's _who _she is. If she doesn't have that title, she's nothing. Just another victim of another violent man, and that's how she sees herself. Being an ADA allows her a cool, collected persona, a position in which she is in complete control, and it makes her feel stronger. If, even for one month, she's no longer an attorney, she won't even know who Alex Cabot is.

She lies in bed that night with Michael's arms wrapped tightly around her. It should feel comforting, but instead, it feels suffocating. She feels like she's drowning in a pool two feet deep, watching as others step back and ask what's wrong with this picture.

The next morning, Alex wakes before Michael. She doesn't dare get out of bed, so instead she turns onto her side and watches him in fascination. He looks so peaceful while asleep. It's hard to imagine that this tranquil man is the monster that Alex sees daily. But she knows it's true.

Michael groans in his sleep and Alex shrinks away from her boyfriend. He rolls onto his side and opens one eye. "'Morning, babe."

"Hi," she whispers, a searing pain assaulting her body as it hits her; she's not going to work today. She's not going to work for twenty-nine more days. She's staying here, at Michael's mercy, and she's going to do whatever he wants her to do. She cringes at the thought.

"You know what I want right now?"

Suppressing the urge to shy away, she bites. "What?"

He licks his lips. "You."

By the time he's finished with her, her body is sore and all she wants to do is shower until she feels clean again, washing away the dirtiness that's enveloping her body. He likes it rough and forces her to play with him, even though she hates the pain and the humiliation she feels every time. Her back is covered in deep red welts, as are her thighs, all the way down to the backs of her knees. Layers of new bruises have formed over the old ones.

Michael climbs back onto the bed, seemingly unperturbed by the pain his girlfriend is in. He pats the space next to him and flips on the television, mindlessly flipping the channels.

Alex lowers herself onto the bed next to him, wincing as her tender skin comes into contact with the comforter. She turns onto her side so as not to disturb the worst of her injuries. When Michael absently pulls her toward him and starts to stroke her hair, she flinches and has to force herself not to recoil from him.

There's nothing on television, so Michael abandons the remote. Alex seems to be much more interesting to him. He lifts her up as if she's nothing but a doll and lays her over his lap, which is sexually gratifying for him but merely fear inducing for her. She's afraid he's going to hit her some more, but he doesn't. Instead, he traces his fingers over the marks on her back, lightly running his hands over the skin he's inflamed. She squirms at his touch and bites her bottom lip to keep from crying out. It hurts so much . . . But, she reminds herself, she's Assistant District Attorney Alex Cabot. She's brave and strong, the ice queen. Unflappable.

The doorbell rings just then and Michael growls. He pushes Alex off his lap. "Stay here," he orders, glaring at her as he rises to answer the door.

"Hi, Michael," says a sweet voice that takes Alex's breath away. She's missed that voice so much, but – what's Olivia doing here? Shouldn't she be working right now? Is something wrong? "Is Alex here?" continues Olivia.

"Actually, she isn't," lies Michael. "Isn't she at work?"

Alex can hear the confusion in the detective's voice as she says, "She didn't tell you?"

Michael plays dumb so well. She almost hopes Olivia, with her killer instincts, won't buy it, but then she discards the thought immediately. No one must know what goes on behind her closed doors. She would be so humiliated if Olivia could see her now, dark welts and bruises covering her frail body, no longer the imperturbable, fearless, tough ADA she tries to portray herself as. "Tell me what?" asks Michael.

Olivia, thank God, has the good sense not to engage in such a conversation. "I think you should ask her."

Alex lets out a deep breath. _Thank you, Olivia,_ she says silently.

Although she can't see him, she knows Michael is shrugging his shoulders. "I'll tell Alex to give you a call, okay?"

She can hear Olivia's hesitance in her voice. "Alex isn't here?"

"No."

"Are you _sure_?"

"Yes," snaps Michael. "I think I know where my own girlfriend is!"

"Great," says Olivia calmly. "Then you can tell me."

He's caught in his own trap and they all know it. Alex holds her breath, shivering as she wraps her bathrobe tightly around herself. She hopes he isn't going to hit Olivia. She won't be able to take it. That will only incense Michael and he will take it out on her the minute they're behind closed doors again. She cringes and braces herself for the sound of the anticipated smack.

But it doesn't come. Instead, he shouts, "Get out!" and slams the door in Olivia's face.

Alex closes her eyes and leans back against the headboard of her bed, wincing as her battered skin comes into contact with the wood. Now Olivia's suspicions are definitely aroused and Michael's going to be furious. And when he's furious, he takes it out on her.

Sure enough, he barrels into the bedroom a moment later. She cringes at the expression on his face as he grabs her shoulders and shakes her hard. _"What did you tell her?"_

"N-nothing!" chokes out Alex. "I'm sorry! I didn't say anything!"

Abruptly, he lets go and pushes her down on the bed. A look of abject disgust adorning his features, he storms out of the room. She hears a key turn in the lock and winces, realizing he's locked her in. He doesn't usually do that – he generally prefers to deal with her himself, but now she supposes he's too angry to even be close to her right now. This is his way of controlling her.

Sometimes she wonders why she stays with Michael, but she supposes it's just another arcane way for her to punish herself. Michael is there to remind her daily how stupid and worthless and unlovable she is, so she doesn't have to remind herself.

When she was younger, Alex's method of self-destruction was food. As a child, she would eat whenever the pain got to be too much for her to bear. She would stuff herself full of cookies and chocolate bars, not satisfied until her already chubby body got even plumper, as her parents looked on, aghast at what their beautiful little girl was doing to her body. Eating numbed the pain for Alex and so she was determined to do it all the time, not caring about the potentially negative repercussions.

Then, as a teenager, she learned a better way to cope. When she was overwhelmed, she stopped eating. It was strangely liberating to have no food inside her whatsoever, going days without eating anything but a stick of sugar free gum. Alex marveled at the fact that humans can go three weeks without eating anything at all and decided to test the theory. She felt a perverse sense of satisfaction as she stood on the scale every morning, watching the pounds melt off her body.

Now, she uses Michael as a means to the same end. It's the self-hatred that forces her to keep him around, because instead of punishing herself, he punishes her. She's Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot, but her Ice Queen façade is a mere wall to hide her own insecurities.

Alex rolls onto her side and curls up in a ball, clutching her knees to her chest and trying to blink back her tears.

**I know this chapter was kind of graphic, so no flames. Review for more!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**Review for more!**

Olivia stands in the hallway of Alex's apartment building, waiting for the elevator. She doesn't know what to make of things. Warning signs are going off in her head, the ones she sees every single day when dealing with the victims, but then – this is _Alex_. This is her best friend. Things like this don't – _can't _– happen to the tough-as-nails, ice queen ADA.

But then, if she's learned anything on this job over the last few years, it's that these things can happen to anyone and hit you like a ton of bricks, made all the more excruciating because no one's seen it coming.

This is how batterers go undetected for so long. Everyone thinks, _This could never happen to my friend. It can't be happening to my friend. _And the abuser gets away with it, because no one sees, or they don't want to see what's right in front of their faces.

She has to do something to help her friend. If she can't talk to Alex directly, she'll just have to find another way.

When she gets back to the precinct, Olivia knows what she has to do. Even though she knows Alex will hate her for it, she strides right through the squad room, ignoring her colleagues' stares as she bangs on Captain Cragen's office door.

It opens almost immediately, and the captain is watching her with an expression that's half amused and half concerned. "Take it easy there, Olivia!"

She takes a deep breath to calm her pounding heart. "Sorry. Um, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Okay," he agrees and gestures for her to come inside. "Have a seat."

She puts her hands behind her back and scuffs her toe nervously, unsure how to proceed. "I'd rather stand."

Captain Cragen shrugs. "Suit yourself."

She takes another breath and decides to just come out with it. "It's about Alex."

"What about her?"

"I think Michael's hurting her."

The captain raises his eyebrows. "That's a pretty serious allegation, Olivia. What makes you think that?"

Olivia pauses, unsure how to explain it. "She's changed since she's met him. You've noticed. We all have."

He shrugs dismissively. "She's in love."

"Doesn't he give you a bad feeling, though?"

He sighs. "Yes, but that doesn't prove anything. We're like family here and we're all protective of each other."

"I've seen the bruises, Captain," she insists. "She wears so many layers of foundation that we all know she's trying to hide something. She wears turtlenecks every day even though it isn't cold outside. She has to be home at a certain time every day – classic sign of a control freak. She makes sure to leave by 4:30, even if we need her to get a warrant. He wouldn't let her come to the hospital to check on Sam Cavanaugh – you know that wasn't her decision. And then she actually took a _sick day_. Alex _never _takes sick days! And you've seen how she acts, cringing every time someone touches her, flinching at every unexpected movement. She's lost a lot of weight and I just know she isn't sleeping. Today, I was worried about her so I went to check on her and he answered the door. He said she wasn't home, but obviously he was lying. Where else would Alex go? He said she hadn't told her about her suspension, but again, he's not that good a liar. I knew she was there. I wanted to see her but he said he didn't know where she was. I'm worried, Captain. We need to help her before it's too late."

The captain's been listening to her soliloquy in absolute silence, but now that she's finished, he nods slowly. "Okay, Olivia. If you really think there's something wrong, then why don't you and I go and check on her? Michael won't say no to both of us. But if nothing's wrong, you're going to drop it, okay?"

This sounds like a good enough idea, so Olivia nods. "Okay."

**I know this was a really short chapter, but I thought this was the right place to end it. Review if you want to know what happens next!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**Review for chapter ten!**

Olivia's pulse is racing as she knocks on the door to Alex's apartment. "Police, open up!"

The door opens almost immediately and Michael stands in the doorway, a casual smile on his face. "Hello again, Olivia. Sir," he adds, nodding to Captain Cragen. "What can I do for you?"

The captain glances at the determined expression on Olivia's face, then turns back to Michael. "We'd like to see ADA Cabot, please."

The smile fades. "She's not here."

Tired of playing games, Olivia pushes past him and rushes toward Alex's bedroom, ignoring both her captain's and Michael's protests. She flings open to door and gasps at what she sees.

Her knees threaten to give way as she looks at Alex, so vulnerable now. The once strong ADA is curled into a ball on her bed, sobbing quietly. Deep welts and dark bruises in various states of healing cover her back, her legs, her arms, her entire body. She's seen a lot of awful things in her line of work, but this takes the cake. This is what Alex didn't want her to see.

Alex doesn't notice Olivia at first. She's too wrapped up in her own desolation to hear the detective's soft footsteps approaching the bed, but she bites down on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying out, her eyes widening in fear as Olivia kneels down by her bedside.

Wiping an arm across her eyes so Olivia won't see she's been crying, she pulls the covers more tightly around her. She's so humiliated that she doesn't even have the strength to be angry. "Olivia," she whispers, not trusting her voice. Olivia's seen everything and there's nothing she can do to change that. It hurts for her strong friend to see her in such a position of weakness, but it's also a relief.

Tears pool in Olivia's dark eyes as she holds her hand out to Alex, who takes it hesitantly. "That bastard," she mutters, then looks into Alex's eyes, stroking her hand gently. "Everything's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay now. He's never going to hurt you again, honey. He's never going to hurt you again."

Just then, Michael and Captain Cragen burst into the room. Alex recoils in fear but Olivia squeezes her hand comfortingly. "It's okay," she murmurs. "He's not going to hurt you. I'm here. It's okay."

"Alex," breathes the captain, his feet glued to the ground, unable to move. He forces himself to stare at the gruesome sight in front of him even though it's killing him to see her like this. She's not one of his detectives, just over the last few years, after a rocky start, they've grown to be good friends.

Michael rushes to Alex's side too, but Olivia grabs his wrist with the hand that isn't holding Alex's and twists it back. "You stay away from her," she growls. "You keep your hands _off _my friend."

"You bitch," hisses Michael, and Alex shies away from him, refusing to meet his eyes. _"What did you tell them?"_

Giving Alex's hand one more squeeze, Olivia jumps to her feet and grabs hold of Michael. Cuffing his hands behind his back, she intones, "You are under arrest for aggravated assault and sexual abuse. You have the right to remain silent." She hands him off to the captain as she continues to read him his rights.

Alex grimaces. Olivia's too sharp. She's obviously seen the bruises on Alex's thighs and she's put two and two together. She should have known she couldn't keep the secret from her friend for long.

"I'll take this dirtbag down to the precinct," says Captain Cragen. "Liv, you stay here with Alex, okay? You can take today off if you like. Elliot and I will deal with _him_." He can't even bear to use Michael's name as he drags him out to the car.

Alex waits for the captain to leave before she finally gives in to the tears. Sobs wrack her frail body as Olivia wraps her arm around her shoulders and gently strokes her hair. She recoils at first at the touch, but then she reminds herself that this isn't Michael; it's Olivia, her best friend, trying to comfort her. She's safe now and everything's going to be okay.

The old Alex Cabot never cried, but now, she can't seem to stop. Her emotions are too overwhelming; she's mortified that Olivia's seen her like this, terrified that Michael will hurt her – or Olivia – even more, relieved that she doesn't have to keep the secret anymore, and scared of what might happen next. The old Alex Cabot was never afraid, but now she's living in fear.

Olivia waits patiently for her sobs to subside before saying gently, "Alex, you need to see a doctor."

Alex's eyes widen and she shakes her head vigorously. "I'm okay, Liv, really. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Olivia assures her. "This isn't your fault."

Alex winces when it hits her; this is the same thing that Olivia says to all of the victims. She's one of _them _now, and it hurts to be on the other side.

"I'll take you down to the ER," continues Olivia in a calm, quiet voice. "But you do need to get checked out."

The ADA bows her head. She knows Olivia's right. "Okay," she whispers.

"I'll give you some privacy so you can get dressed, okay?"

Alex nods mutely.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, Alex, but just remember that I'm here for you if and when you want to talk," adds Olivia quietly, and Alex knows it's killing her to have to give this speech to her best friend.

So she nods again and says, "Thanks, Liv."

Olivia manages a half-smile and leaves Alex's bedroom so she can dress in private.

**I think I'm probably going to write one more chapter and that's it. Review for the final instalment!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just borrowing them.**

**This is going to be the last chapter. Hope you enjoy it. Review, as always.**

"You have two broken ribs," the doctor tells Alex. "But you're very lucky. You're going to be just fine." He hands her a container of antiseptic. "You need to clean the welts with this twice a day so they don't get infected. I'm going to give you a prescription for some painkillers. The rib fractures will heal by themselves if you give them time, but you need to be careful not to irritate them. You might have a bit of difficulty breathing, but the medication will help."

She lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," she whispers.

The doctor scribbles out a prescription for the medication and hands it to Alex. "You're very brave, Ms. Cabot," he comments. "Those injuries are pretty bad, but you're going to be fine."

She smiles at the speech she knows so well, the one that all doctors and nurses and police officers and lawyers and everyone she works with give the victims of violent crimes. Her heart aches at being one of them now, but like the doctor and Olivia said, she's going to heal. Very soon, she'll be back to being the old Alex Cabot, the passionate ADA who fights for justice.

Olivia takes her to the drugstore to pick up the painkillers, then drives her past her apartment so she can pick up some of her belongings. Alex is too overwhelmed to even comment and falls asleep in the passenger seat of Olivia's car, her head leaning against the window. She looks so peaceful but at the same so vulnerable that Olivia just watches her for a moment, feeling like her heart's being torn in two.

A moment later, Alex stirs. For a moment she doesn't know where she is and flinches, expecting Michael to hit her. But then she opens her eyes and sees Olivia. She's okay. Everything's okay. They arrested Michael. He's never going to hurt her again. It's okay. She's okay.

She looks up at Olivia. "Where are we?" she asks sleepily.

"My apartment," the detective tells her in a voice that leaves no room for argument. "You're going to stay with me for a while."

Olivia needn't have worried; Alex is too exhausted and emotionally worn out to argue. She mutely climbs out of the car and hoists her duffle bag over her shoulder, following Olivia up to her apartment.

The detective leads Alex into her bedroom and drops her bag on the bed. "You can have the bed," she offers, but she's making a statement, not asking a question. "I'll take the couch."

Too worn out to protest, Alex flops down on the bed and murmurs, "Thanks." She rolls onto her side, not wanting to disturb the tender marks covering her back and legs. Stifling a yawn, she closes her eyes and says, "Sorry, Liv, I'm just really tired. I'm going to lie down for a bit."

"Okay. Are you going to want something to eat soon?"

Alex's eyes snap open in surprise. "_You_ can cook?"

Olivia laughs. "I was thinking more along the lines of take-out."

The attorney's lips quirk upward and she leans her head back down on the pillow. Even though she'd never admit it to anyone, she likes the feeling of Olivia taking care of her. "That's what I thought."

Three weeks later, Alex is in one of her grey business suits, sitting on a bench outside the court room. Olivia, beside her, is clutching her hand and ADA Abbie Carmichael is sitting on her other side. Most of Alex's bruises have healed, but the emotional scars remain. Today is Michael's trial and Alex is being called to testify. Abbie is prosecuting the case, and that just about kills Alex.

"_I_ should be prosecuting him," insists the blonde. "I should be the one putting him behind bars, not the one telling the jury what he did to _me_."

"You'll be back," Olivia assures her.

Abbie gives her a sympathetic glance. "It must be hard to be on the other side."

The three women look up as Judge Petrovsky walks down the hallway. She gives them a nod before entering the courtroom.

"I'd better go," says Abbie. "You're going to do fine, Alex. Good luck. We'll be calling you in about an hour."

Alex swallows and nods. This is really happening.

An hour later, a court officer comes out into the hallway to escort Alex into the courtroom. Olivia gives her a small smile as the blonde sits down in the witness stand. It feels awkward – she's so used to sitting at the prosecutor's table. She's been in this courtroom so many times, but she's never sat here before.

Abbie runs her through the routine questions and she answers them as best she can, never taking her eyes off Olivia. It makes her feel safer to know that her friend is here, supporting her.

Finally, Abbie asks, "Ms. Cabot, what happened last night?"

Alex takes a deep breath. This time, she looks right at Michael as she tells her story. He clenches his fists and stares at her as she speaks, but she doesn't back down. She is Alex Cabot again, the tough-as-nails, passionate ADA, the one who puts monsters in prison. That's what she's doing now.

And when the jury announces the guilty verdict, she heaves a sigh of relief, but she doesn't cry. She's done with crying. She's Alex Cabot again, the strong, unflappable prosecutor.

She's back to stay.

**So that's the end. I hope you liked the story. Please write me a review; they make my day!**


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